The Indiscernable Levitation

Teddy 'The Tache' Humperdinkle and Theosophus

Editor’s note: Eagle-eyed readers will have spotted the two wardling irons on the bed- still used to this day in a particularly challenging Cult Ritual

This miraculous early photograph captured the only known example of a successful performance of the Indiscernible Levitation.

Teddy The Tache' Humperdinkle, a Cult missionary during the Klondike Gold Rush, managed to raise his son Theosophus more than a yard off the table simply by looking away and concentrating fully on sacred Cult doctrine.

Note here the necessity for subjects of the Levitation to wear their boots on the wrong feet -- often a manoeuvre that limits the available range of potential targets to those with double-jointed tarsals and metatarsals.

The Humperdinklings in Ritual Contemplation

This pose was held for a record 5 days and 3 hours during the annual statuesque -- a dance without movement. Sneezing is permitted, but scratching must be carried out by small children with bamboo canes.

Teddy and his followers, known as the Humperdinklings, were responsible for spreading Cult doctrine and wisdom throughout the Klondike, taming that lawless community.

Indeed, Teddy & the Humperdinklings subsequent 30 date tour of California was so well received that that it proved fatal for the Tache himself -- trampled to death in Monterey by frenzied disciples too eager to sashay.

A distraught Theosophus dedicated the rest of his life to his attempts to recreate the Indiscernible Levitation -- but lacked adequate willpower.

He succumbed to temptation in his choice of subjects, and despite the efforts at distraction by his wife, couldn’t keep his eyes off his female assistant.

This necessitated the cheap trickery of wires, rods and cranes, clearly visible in a publicity shot smuggled back to Cult Elders in the UK. He was requested by telegram to surrender his ritual implements forthwith.

In a dramatic gesture of defiance, Theosophus attempted a crude levitation of his own son Gideon, but was detained by San Diego police after failing to use a restraining rope.

Theosophus Humperdinkle

Gideon survived a 15 hour ordeal in high winds before his miraculous landing in Nevada.

After release from prison, Theosophus was found by Cult members offering to jump up and down for small change.

The Cult’s disciplinary committee took pity, and found him work as an elevator attendant in a large hotel in Reno with live-in accommodation.

He regularly wrote to the committee expressing his gratitude and happiness.