Cult of Ffynche

The postural elegance of the famous Suffolk pastime is also required in the Cult’s Static Endurance ritual, but with an additional challenge.

 

One of the drawbacks of archaic Dwile Flonking is the relatively slow accumulation of ale by contestants. The dwile must be flung by the girter, who is the only person permitted to drink from the gazunder, and only then in the circumstance of a miss, or 'swadge'. This can take a remarkably long time in the first round in those contests in which the opposing team arrives on the field without preliminary inebriation.

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The Cult of Finch has solved this problem by sounding the Great Horn of Worp at a random moment in the first five minutes of the ceremony. The Horn Blower is blindfolded so as not to see any action.

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At the blast of the Great Horn,  all players must hold their pose for at least one minute.  Each further minute that passes counts for a whole barrel of ale, available for immediate consumption. The psychological pressure on players mounts as the desire for 'future' ale wrestles with the desire for 'present' ale.

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Participants who arrive on the field of play already inebriated and fail their Static Endurance must start from the beginning again until they have earned at least a barrel, or until dusk, whichever comes first.

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The photograph shows the Cult of Ffynche team of 1957, towards the end of their famous 10-barrel win. Their display of obvious glee is permitted, since facial expressions are exempted from pose-freezing obligations after the 7th barrel.

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Over the subsequent week, several team members were recovered from local ditches, and girter 'Tricky' Dick Dervisher was arrested climbing the drainpipe outside Daphne Cantworp’s bedroom window. He later bribed police to let him out by surrendering one of the ten barrels.

 

Dick and Daphne were married the following year shortly before the birth of their first child.